GO...!!!

I'm not sure how to capture the emotions connected to the events that led up to bringing home our little lady.  It seems so fresh in  my mind and yet so long ago at the same time.  As my dad said a few days ago, "How did we ever get along without her?"  I thought some of the joy that came with her arrival would wear off after a few weeks of recovery and little sleep.  I was wrong.  I can't imagine loving her more than I do or feeling more gratitude for being her mama.  It sure was a long road to get to this point, but it's been worth every step. This post goes through some of the pregnancy leading up to the big day.

We found out on my birthday that our little one was a Little Lady!  I wasn't surprised, but we were delighted to be able to announce it to others!!  These are two ultra sound pictures from that oh-so-fun birthday, February 6, 2012.

This is the one we got three copies of and dropped off with a pink sucker at each of the kids' schools to announce that they were getting a little sister.  I looked at this one a thousand times during the following weeks and months.  I fell in love with that little profile.

Each week I would read different pregnancy blogs to find out about the development of our little lady.  The blogs would say the approximate size in weight and length and compare it to something.  My favorite blog, Baby Center, compared the baby to different produce items (which is all relative, I know, but I still thought it was fun).  For that week we would refer to the baby by her produce name.  Our little one was "Strawberry," "Lemon," and "Avacado," amongst many others.  On week 17 the blog said she was as long as a turnip. I realized I wasn't especially familiar with turnips.  So when I was at the grocery store I decided to check out the turnips.  They were these cute little cream and purple, oniony looking veggies.  So I bought one the length of our baby to drop off at Matt's office.  I found some paper in the car and a paperclip and made a little sign to go with it.  Matt loved it!  That made me happy.  So, I started to do it every week.  I got a little fancier by adding googly eyes and bows.  Sometimes I even came up with a little rhyme to go with it.  The nurses and staff would come in to see what our baby girl was each week.  I thought I was so funny! 

I can't remember exactly when Matt and I decided on her name.  We had really wanted her name to mean something.  We often prayed about what her name should be.  One Sunday we each created a list of ten names that we liked.  Eventually we did some trading ("I'll take off this name if you take off that one.") until we were down to about 6 names total.  Kathryn Elaine was in our top three.  Kathryn (with that specific spelling) as the formal version of Kathy for my mom, and Elaine is Matt's mom.  We felt strongly that that should be her name when Matt discovered if we named her Kathryn, then the first initials of her name and the older kids - Kathryn, Amy, Tyler, Emily - spelled out KATE, which is a nickname we both like.  A sweet and powerful reminder of how we, all of us together, are a family.

We had agreed not to tell anyone the name until she was born, but decided to tell the kids.  We had a family home evening on the importance of names and the meaning of the Savior's different names.  Matt wrote out each of the kids names on a magnet board, wrote Kathryn's name on top, then boxed the first letters to spell Kate.  He told them how important they each are to our family.  They will be significant influences in Kathryn's life and her name will be a reminder of that.   I love love love who her name connects her to.  I look forward to telling her about how her name came to be.

As already posted, in the final months I enjoyed having chubby feet and legs, ate lots of eggs and toast, and made it through the Utah summer heat to finally arrive at our due date, July 24th.  I not-so-secretly really wanted our baby girl to come on that day. Well, our due date came and went, which is what Dr. Judd had told us to expect.  He said if I had not gone into labor on my own by July 30 we would check into the hospital and begin my induction.  He also said that a c-section was a very real possibility because I wasn't making any progress.  I was initially quite upset at that news, but ended up feeling grateful that he said it beforehand so I could emotionally prepare for that if it was necessary.

Monday July 30 we had the kids in the morning and spent the time cleaning the house and trying to waste time until our 2:00 doctor's appointment.  Matt and I headed over to Dr. Judd's office for a very short visit, seeing as nothing had changed, and then had two hours to kill before we were to check into Orem Community Hospital.  We got something to eat and went to the Orem Library to check out some movies to watch.  We figured there was going to be a lot of waiting.  We checked out "Lawrence of Arabia," "Follow Me Boys," and several others that I can't remember now.  Those were the two that Matt watched.

At 4pm on the dot we pulled up and got our bags out of the car and headed in.  I remember grabbing Matt's hand, holding tight, and thinking, "We are going to walk out with our baby girl!"  We got settled into room 115 and met our first nurse, Marta.  She got the initial induction started.  We passed the evening hours by watching part of a Bible documentary, taking walks around the hospital halls, and enjoying a dinner from Bombay House which Erin and Karen brought.  It was delish!!

The next morning at 5am our new nurse, Jana, told us I was dilated to almost 2 centimeters.  Sigh.  Not much progress in 12 hours.  The pitocin was started soon thereafter, which started contractions. For 2 hours Matt and I walked, swayed, hugged, cried, and breathed as the contractions continued.  Matt and I had talked on the Sunday before about what I would like him to do during the labor and delivery.  I wasn't sure exactly, but thought I'd mostly want him to just stay close, talk with me, and help me do whatever I had to do.  That's what he did.  One of the sweetest memories of this whole experience is of having Matt right by my side, sharing it with him. He was wonderful. Truly wonderful.

At about 8am I got an epidural which worked fabulously.  The rest of the day was spent resting with hourly visits by the nurses.  It was hours before I made it to 4 centimeters.  Eventually I was dilated to a 9 and was mostly effaced.  The problem was that our little lady was still way up high.  At about 6pm Dr. Judd came in and said if we can not get her to come down then the only option was a c-section. With Matt and Ana (our new nurse) as my coaches we started pushing.  It was exhausting.  Matt would count me through each contraction and pushing.  After an hour Dr. Judd came in and said he would try the forceps.  For almost another hour we pushed while he maneuvered her down with the forceps.  The nurses all said that Dr. Judd is the only doctor they knew who would even try forceps in this situation, it was his specialty.  Thank goodness.

I remember when Matt finally said, "She's coming!"  Tears started streaming as the final pushes brought her into the world and we heard her first cries.  Oh what joy filled my entire body.  It was only a few minutes before I was holding her.  She curled up on my chest and was soon asleep.  Here is a quote from my journal about that moment:

"I could hardly believe the time had finally come that we could meet her, that we could see her, our daughter, our Kathryn Elaine.  The back of her little head was swollen, she had big red marks on her cheeks and forehead, with a scrape on her cheek and another on her forehead, and several on the back of her head.  But her heart rate had been strong and steady through the whole process.  Sweet, tough little lady.  Matt cut the cord, they wiped her down quickly and within minutes she was with me.  Our Little One was finally here.  I simply cannot explain what I felt to have her tiny self, her little tabernacle, curled up on my chest, calmed and quiet and ours.  I couldn’t hold her and Matt close enough.  In that moment, I felt the reality of heaven."

We called and texted family to announce that Kathryn Elaine had arrived at 8.7 pounds and 20 inches long.  She was a little banged up but doing wonderfully.  Mom and dad picked up Emily, Tyler, and Amy and brought them down about an hour after Kate was born. Can you tell that Amy was pretty excited to finally be holding her little sister!  It brings new emotions to see the older kids holding Kathryn.


I was so thrilled for mom and dad to get to hold her, to hold this little baby who they have long prayed for.  It was also a joy to tell mom the name we'd picked out and why.  How I love my parents and am oh so grateful that Kate will know them.

The nurses came in to take Kathryn down for a real bath and to weigh her.  Amy, Grandma, and Matt went down to watch.


She was nothing but sweet and calm for the nurses.  I'm sure she was pretty wiped out from the day. 

Meanwhile, I ate my first meal, cold cereal, an apple, and some cookies.

Mom, dad, and the kids stayed for about an hour before exhaustion hit. They headed home after a few more hugs and kisses. Matt, Kathryn, and I said a family prayer and went to bed after some debate over where Kathryn's bassinet should be - next to me or next to Matt. I played my "I-just-gave-birth-to-her" and "she'll-need-to-nurse" cards.  I won.  I'm sure we could have stared at her all night.  I can't say I slept much, I was too busy watching her and listening for her little breaths and nursing her.  In the wee hours of the morning she and dad had some snuggle time. During the second night some of the reality hit that she was coming home with us.  We would be in charge of her. I was overwhelmed as I watched her sleep.  Am I going to be what she needs me to be?  I knew I would make mistakes and it already hurt. Again, I was so grateful to have Matt.  I watched him sleep, too.  I wished, like I did when Matt and we got married, that I could be perfect for the ones I loved.  

Thursday we packed things up and Matt began taking things out to the car.  A sweet girl named Andrea from Bella Baby Photography came and took pictures of Kathryn.  Matt got Kate dressed in a pair of ruffle bum pants and a onsie with tiny pink hearts. I was still in my hospital gown and robe.  The nurse was trying to go over paperwork with me, but I was so distracted.  I couldn't take my eyes off of this little bundle in pink ruffles.  She is really ours.  When Andrea began taking pictures of Kate and Matt my heart filled to overflowing as did my eyes.  I thought of my dream from 2 years earlier of being in the hospital with Matt by my side and our daughter in my arms.  Dreams really do come true.